Jessica Loses Jen To Addiction

Jessica Loses Jen To Addiction- Patreon
===

[00:00:00] 

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Today I have Jessica Meyer with me who's going to be sharing the story of losing her sister Jen with us. Jessica, welcome to the show.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Thank you so much, Maya. I'm very happy to be here.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Yeah, thank you so much for being here. So Jessica, tell us a little bit, let's dive right in. Tell us a little bit about your history. Tell us a little bit about your background. Tell us a little bit about your family dynamic with you, your sister, and, uh, tell us what it was like growing up with you guys.

And, and if you, it was just the two of you. Did you have more siblings? Tell us about your life a little bit.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Okay. So we are a Mexican Jewish family. Very close. Um, it was just the two of us and I grew up with my sister. We are, I'm [00:01:00] almost four years apart. I'm the oldest. And so my parents moved to the States in 1971. I was a year old. And then my sister came. I was born in 1970. My sister came in 1973 and very close family.

Family life was pretty much, we always talked about how we had already won the lottery because we were so close. Growing up with my sister and my parents, you know, we ate dinner together every night. Uh, Sundays was family day, just a really close, tight family. Very loving. Um, my sister and I, we, we were sisters, so it wasn't always perfect.

I mean, we fought as well. Um, but we got along very well. We were best friends. From the time we were little. We used to play this game called Jessica and Jennifer, and we would play like. I was, Jessica and I lived out in the little Dollhouse, and, and she was Jennifer and she had the big house, and she would come out and [00:02:00] give me food and, and, and, and like, you know, please come into my house and let me take care of you.

And, you know, it was just, we were playing these roles of taking care of each other and loving on each other. But it was, we were living, but we were playing. My sister was, if everybody else was on play, Jen was on. Fast forward. She, um, she was very, a bright light. She was a, a very good gymnast. A very good athlete.

she had Tourette syndrome and she was a little clumsy. So like, if Jen came in the door, you knew it. She. Kind would stumble in with her hair. And she just was kind of very, very much like that. And she, when she was, uh, I guess in middle school, she started using drugs and I believe that she used them because she, just to calm her down.

Back then, Tourette's wasn't diagnosed and, and we didn't know she had Tourettes [00:03:00] till much later. We didn't know that she had a DHD until later. And Jen used pills to calm her down. She would take Ambien to go to sleep and that's how her drug addiction started. That's basically what, when she became an addict, she used the medications to kind of calm her down because she was just, wow.

But going back to who she was, because she was so much more than her addiction. Um, she just was a bright light the biggest smile, the most contagious laughter, you know, she was, she didn't have a mean bone in her body. Everybody has said that about her. Just your sister's, just the kindest person.

The most giving human being. Just Abu fun, you know, she was the best dancer. You know, anything that she did, she was good at, if she played soccer, she was a champion. Gymnastics, number one, dancing, whatever, swimming, what, whatever it [00:04:00] was. We had a beautiful life. A really beautiful life. I hate to say that.

It was, it was perfect. It was perfect.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: That's so beautiful. Like, I love seeing your eyes just light up and your smile when you share about your sister Jen, because I, I totally understand that, and I think you're right. What did we really know? About A DHD let alone rets, like, I mean, we didn't know about that, right? The knowledge we have now is so different, and it seems like she, like what you were saying earlier, she found some self-medication that was happening for herself to cope with what she was going through.

And so what was that like for you when you were young with her and, and did you, I mean, as children we don't, we don't necessarily know, like that's our sibling. We love them, we know we have different personalities, but we might [00:05:00] not. There was no knowledge back then. And I mean, even when I was growing up, like we just didn't talk about things like we do now.

And I think it's great that we have such an awareness about so many things now so that we can help. But did you even see that with her? You just saw her as this, like overachieving great, extroverted, like she's great at sports. Like, did you even realize, like, what was that like for you?

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: She was a little different because, for example, she would blink a lot or she would make a, she'd make these noises and blinking and it was funny. Little click sounds and you know, no one else around us did that. So real, but it was just who she was. You know? It wasn't like, oh my God, something's wrong with her, because that's the way I grew up with her.

Like I, I've never not known that about her. So that just was part of who she was. For example, she would do, she wore glasses and she would like do cartwheels [00:06:00] at lunch and then forget her glasses on the playground. And like, I remember my parents would have to go to the playground at night with a flashlight looking for her glasses.

And, she had for, she had a DD she, she didn't know that she had left the glasses there or, little things like that. But no, we didn't obviously like later on when we found out, uh, what Tourette's was, was like definitely, I mean, she, she had it it wasn't. That obvious that you were like going, what's wrong with this person?

It was every once in a while. Obviously when she was going through something, she would do it more like, the blinking, she would blink and then some other times she wouldn't blink. But definitely somewhere in middle school to high school, she learned to calm herself down with the medication.

And back then also, you know, Ambien came out and it was a sleeping pill. No one knew the effects of it or the long-term effects or that it was highly [00:07:00] addictive. Nobody knew that back then. 

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Like what, what happened? Was she having difficulty sleeping? Like, because it sounds like that was kind of the moment when she started taking something and that kind of changed things. So w was that what she was struggling with sleep? Is that how that.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: very much so, and it was a new drug. I mean, so this must have been in the mid eighties when it came out. So it was just a very normal thing. You know, you take your Ambien and it was a sleeping pill. It wasn't anything more than that. But what happened with my sister was that she thought my gosh, if it helps me sleep and calm down, if I chop it up and snort it a little bit here and there, then I can, and kind of that is, that's what happened.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: So that was kind of like the gateway for her in Wow. And that was going on in high school where she started to do that.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: yes. Yes, it was. It was already going on in high school,[00:08:00] 

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: So you being the, the elder sister, you guys are four years apart. So were you a senior and she was a freshman, or were you a senior and she was in middle school still? What was that dynamic

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: we, so let, let's do the math here. I graduated in 88. She graduated in 91. So Yes. And we didn't go to the same schools either. But we did like afterschool activities together when we were younger, you know, drama and gymnastics and tennis and piano and, and we were always together. And um, you know, that's one of the things, of course, my parents losing my sister, my niece losing her mother.

But I lost the person that was with me from day one. My whole life. It's not just, you know, having a child when you are in your twenties and you lose, you lose them when you are older in your fifties, or do you know what I mean? This is my lifelong, my first friend and, um, [00:09:00] my lifelong friend, my lifelong person. But I will say this, Maya she had a real problem with addiction and the disease got in our way. after many years, you know, my sister went to, I don't know, she must have gone to 10 different rehabs over 20 years time. I had to put a little bit of distance. We were a family that we talk every day.

Like I always tell my parents, if I haven't talked to my mom by 10:00 AM I'm probably dead in a ditch somewhere. I hate to say that, but like we, the first thing we do in the morning, we get our coffee and we call each other. And this is how it was with my sister. This is how it was between my, me and my sister.

We are constantly, we're in each other's lives. We see each other every day. We don't need a Mother's Day or a Father's Day or Thanksgiving to get together. We're together all of the time.

So it really was very difficult to understand. And even though we are at [00:10:00] three years and seven months and five days or whatever we are, I still am very, I, i'm paralyzed. I'm numb and I still have not, I don't know when the floodgates are gonna open.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: but I think, I think that's. I think that's okay. You know, and I think that's, again, we're already kind of diving into probably one of the topics that will be helpful for people because, Jessica, often I will hear from people, they're like, I haven't cried yet. It's been so many years, or I haven't, you know, this, or, and I think grief is a journey where we can't judge ourselves, right?

Like, we're all feeling, feeling things at the time that we allow ourselves or need to allow ourselves to feel it. And that's okay. It's an evolution as we're on this, on this journey. But to be in a family as tight knit, [00:11:00] because we've had so many guests on that have so many different family dynamics.

What I really love about your story is how, how close you are. And I love that you get your morning coffee and you're gonna talk to mom and you're gonna talk to sister and you're gonna talk to, that is such an absence to feel after you've lost your sibling when you're so tight like that. Jessica, I wanna go back just a little bit before we continue forward, if that's okay with you. Yeah. That, no, because we're here, right? We're grieving. I wanna dive in. Thank you for sharing so openly about the fact that Jen was in and out of rehab. And I, I think it's, I think it's wonderful that you shared the backstory too, that there was the a, DD, the Tourettes and then this Ambien, and then how that was starting to progress.

Because I think a lot of us, when we have a sibling who struggles with addiction, we're like, how did this start? When did this start? Like, what, you know? So it's, it's really important to understand, and [00:12:00] I think hindsight's 2022, right when we start to reflect back and look back, but. Take us through her life, like through high school, and then also kind of like adulthood, like obviously that was the beginning of kind of the self medication because she was prescribed this, but did she start using recreational drugs?

Was she drinking? Like was she getting involved with folks that were doing this? What did that path look like for her? Because as we know, we don't come out of the womb going, I'm ready for a beer, or I'm ready for drugs. Right. Yeah.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: No, I definitely believe that a lot of it has to do with low self-esteem. She was different and she knew she was different. Um, so she, early on, like I said, used whatever to calm herself down. I know that in high school, yes she did. I mean, you know, it was kind of normal. In high [00:13:00] school, you go to parties, you drink, you go out, you do things you di in that you di in this, you, um, it, I don't feel like that she was like.

Uh, druggie or looked at, like in, in the wrong crowd. I think that for most of us, you know, in the eighties, late eighties, you know, you'd go to parties on the weekends, you'd drink. She, it was normal. They went off to her college. I think it, when she went off to college was I think where she started using recreational drugs, um, and drinking more.

And, um, of course my parents, she had a, a, a friend of hers, her best friend that was also her roommate, that the, both of them started getting in trouble. This particular girl had older brothers that knew that there was something wrong and she got sent away. My sister was able to talk my parents out of like, well, no, there's nothing wrong with me.

I'm fine. It's, no, no, no. Every [00:14:00] this is normal. I'm, I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. And I think that. Being away. You know, there wasn't, we didn't have the phones and the, and the social media and the Zoom calls and the FaceTime. My parents couldn't see her, so they, they didn't they didn't actually know what was going on daily in her life.

And I think she then had a boyfriend that introduced her to different, different drugs and cocaine and crystal meth. And and she had, she then went off to rehab. She went off to rehab, set some point in college. She did not finish university. She went off to rehab and came back and came back to Houston where we lived and started working and met her.

Met her, a boyfriend, and they got together and then they got engaged and then they got married and then they had a baby. And, but through all of this time, she was [00:15:00] still doing funny stuff, but it wasn't.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: behaviors never really changed, but what, what was that turning point for that first time in rehab? What, was that a decision with your parents, or was that a self decision or what? Ha There must have been some turning point there.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: I, well, I think what happened was is that she didn't finish school and had to come home. And I think that's when they realized, okay, she went to several doctors and she got diagnosed with certain things and including, you know, not only just an addict, but she had low self-esteem. She had codependency.

You know, she also that is where you know, when we were younger and we would have sleepovers and our parents would say, sure. Spend the night at, I don't think that my parents ever, well, if they're in the same school, you know, it's a good family. I'm sure there's nothing wrong. And then, at a girlfriend's house, there was an older brother and [00:16:00] something happened there.

So she she was a victim of sex sexual assault when she was younger. I know at least it happened there. And then we were on vacation in Acapulco. Do you remember the boats that, you know, the parachute that would take you up on behind the boat? And you go like, around,

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Oh yeah. Yeah.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: You know, I hate to say this, but what happened to her was she was, she was a beautiful girl.

Let's just go back to how beautiful my sister was. I mean, as a child, I mean she had like the perfect body, the perfect, she was a beautiful, beautiful girl. And you know, one of these guys when she was gonna go up in the parachute, stuck his hand up her bathing suit. I mean, she must have been seven, eight years old when that happened.

So some of that's that When she finally went to to therapist and she started getting the help and going to talk about these things came out. So, that's where I think the low self-esteem and then not being able to talk [00:17:00] about what happened to her. Not really understanding what happened to her.

You know, those were what was going on inside my sister.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Of course.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: We didn't know about this until a decade later when she was in her late teens. So that's kind of, it's hard to say that, that there was an actual turning point, but from her behavior, all of us around her knew that there was something, something wrong.

She needed to go get treatment. She.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Yeah. So that, that was the first time. But thank you for sharing so, so openly about that because there, this happens to so many, not just young girls, but boys too. And it's trauma. When you're young like that, especially when you're young like that, you don't understand what's happening and that stays within you and it builds and builds and builds if [00:18:00] you are, 'cause we don't really know how to express that.

And that's, that's a lot. So she had trauma.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Yes, she had trauma. She sure did. So, and then, you know, what was normal behavior and what wasn't? You know, we'd go out on the weekends, go to clubs, drink, whatever. I mean, it wasn't that like I said, I, it was just like normal college behavior, at least from what we all thought was what was going on. But then it got excessive.

Then it got excessive, and then it was she was out of control. And, you know, she, like I said, in and out of treatment and not to like fast forward all of these years, but then she, she got to the other side where she did find sobriety and then she did work for a rehab. She was on the other side. So when you would go to rehab, my sister was the first person that someone would be with.

She knew [00:19:00] what to look for in the luggage. She knew how to find if somebody was sneaking something in, because she had already done that. And God loved my sister. She was brilliant at hiding. I know she took a she took a suitcase in to one time, one of the treatment centers, and with that had an inside, uh, invisible zipper.

And she took in 300 Ambien and she was at treatment with her pills. No one found them. No one saw I, you know, so, yeah.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: What an evolution for her. So she, so she came out of the first treatment and then she ended up meeting someone and they got married and she had children.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Yes, she had, so she before, let's just go back. So she did go to a, a, a few treatment centers before she got married.

And then we thought, okay, she did the program. Everything's fine, life as usual, you know, because you have to remember that my sister [00:20:00] was then taking, the Ambien and chopping it up and snorting it every once in a while.

Um, and then she was, what was this other drug that she got ah, to lose weight, G-H-B-G-H-B. It, it's not detected in your system and it makes you skinny. Yeah. So, you know, it was the drugs that she used, it wasn't so much like the cocaine and the this and the, that, it was things that you wouldn't think that, I mean, she abused prescription drugs.

Then this other GHB stuff. I mean, I don't even know where she got it. She got it from a, a trainer or someone in the workout world. Um, but she knew how to make the perfect cocktail. She could, she would chop up the stuff and put it in other capsules, so it looked like vitamins, it just, uh, she had this way of she was a user.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: That's a lot of work.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: knew it

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: [00:21:00] That's a lot of work.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: lot of work.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: She was exceptionally intelligent because that's a lot of work. Wow.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: yes, it's

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Oh my goodness. So, yeah, so that was a, that was a journey. And I think what's challenging too, and you can tell me about this, but like for me, like I, I don't know if I shared this with you before Jessica, but I've shared it on the show many times.

I obviously, I've lost my brother to homicide, but my brother was an addict as well. And it was his was more traditional. And a lot of people will ask me often and they'll say like, well, what was his drug of choice? Or like, what was he addicted to? And like, my brother wa I, I always say this 'cause I like to break levity and darkness.

I'm like, he didn't discriminate. He just used, he drank, he obviously, he smoked pot, which is not a big deal for a lot of people. And but. He, there was a lot of stuff he was doing that a lot of people weren't aware of. He loved acid, he loved, I mean there we could go on and on, you know, if it was [00:22:00] there like, like you were mentioning about your sister, like the cocaine and the partying, and I know he did meth and there were other things, but it was just like, he didn't really discriminate.

It was just kind of like numbing because he had a lot of things going on as well, a lot of trauma. But I think what's challenging with someone like your sister is like, these are somewhat legal things that she's using in finding ways to, that's tough. That's very tough.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: I agree with you. My sister also, she didn't discriminate. It was basically whatever was, because, you know, at first it started with this, and then it went into this, and then at the very end, which we will get there later. Then, yes, it was heavy duty. I think also what happened is that it's whatever you're doing, it just isn't doing anything anymore.

So you have to go on to the next, and we know, whenever you're ready, we can go into where she was. The thing that happened was, is that [00:23:00] the disease really got in the way of. Everything broke all of her relationships. Her ex-husband left her because of it. She lost custody of her daughter because of it.

She lost her house, her dog, her really her freedom because everybody then she was being monitored and what everyone was watching what she was doing. And she hated that. She hated that. You know, like for example, like we said, if we didn't talk to her in the morning, then we obviously assumed something's wrong.

But she also, no one knew her like her sister did. And I knew I could look at her, Maya and I knew other people were like, no, no, no, she's fine. My, my parents even, no. I could tell just by looking at her if she was high or not. And um, that's why unfortunately. It was kind of like the perfect storm that led [00:24:00] to the end of her life, unfortunately.

I don't know if I wanna go into that yet or if there's anything else you wanna talk about before we get into all of that.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Lemme ask you just one more question and then Yeah, we'll definitely, we definitely wanna, um, talk about this unfortunate loss, of course. But I wanna comment on what you said when you looked at her. You just knew I was the same way. I so connect with that, and I know so many of you listening who have a sibling who dealt with addiction or maybe used prescriptions or, you know, wherever your sibling is or was.

Right. I remember so many times like telling my mom. He's not right. He's, this isn't right now. Like he's using, I, I know it. I don't know exactly what he's on because we didn't have siblings that discriminated. Right. But there were, you know, I was a partier and I had my own issues in my young age and I made a very definitive decision in my life to not, 'cause I could see [00:25:00] this path with him.

And I was like, I'm not gonna do that. Like, it was very, but not all of us have that choice. You know, I'm not an addict, so it's very different. And it is a disease and I believe that full heartedly. But, um, I think we know, especially older siblings, like, we just know there's like this intuition in us.

We're second parents in a lot of ways and it's, so, I think it's really powerful that you. Shared that because we just know, and it's kind of like a gift and a curse sometimes, because other people are like, oh, no, no, no. Like, it's fine. They're fine. And you're like, I already know. 

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: I say like your siblings are made up and Y chromosomes.

To you than your sibling because you are made of the same, so there's something there. And you don't have to be twins to have it. It's, it's like a, you just know you can't explain it. And, um, and at the end [00:26:00] it's, she kind of hated me for that. She did, because I could tell. And one thing that I do wanna say, if there's anybody out there that you, like I sometimes feel a lot of guilt that I knew and that I, instead of like going and wrapping my arms around her and saying, sister, what can I do to help you?

I'm here. I, I set a boundary and I was like, no more. I'm not, I, I don't want anything to do with her. And I'm talking the last week of her life.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Wow.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: So it's, you know, tough love do you do that or do you not? It's that there's this fine line that our family now all will always say we, if we, if only we would have.

If only we would, but you can't, you can't.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: The what ifs and the ifs. You're touching on such an important topic, Jessica. [00:27:00] They will drive you crazy, right? Because you're doing what you think is best in the moment. And we do have to draw boundaries with our loved ones. And obviously we talk about siblings here who have addiction because there's, they're not going to change until they're ready and you've already shared, um.

Quite a bit about that in Jen story where, you know, she was willing to go in and then what I, I thought was fascinating earlier, and I wanna touch on this and of course then we're gonna start, we're gonna get into obviously how we lost Jen. But she actually going into rehab and was open to the help and then even was helping others, which can be like, what a journey.

And as her sibling like, wasn't that so fascinating and interesting to watch such a change like her go [00:28:00] in for help her go into rehab and then want to actually, I mean it's like what a turn to then even want to go work there.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: She identified with the people that came in. That and the people. And so, and when we lost her, so many people came out of the woodwork saying, your sister saved my life. Your sister saved me from doing this. Or other families that had lost the, their loved one. And they said, your sister helped me.

And that's one thing that she always said. She had seen that loss and she'd seen families crumble. And she's like, I will never, I would never do that to my children, to my daughter, to mom and dad. I'll never do that. That would never happen. You know? So that's what's so tough is that she, she was on the other side, and that's why, you know, the patients that would come into the rehabs would identify with her [00:29:00] so much because she, she'd been there. But she. She was able to help everybody else.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Which is a common theme and it happens. Excuse

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: you did what Jennifer Stern said, you would be clean. You would come out of this, you would be fine because she knew exactly what you needed to do, but she just couldn't do it herself.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: And how powerful that they were reaching out. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Okay, so we have to, this is so fascinating to me that, that she was giving back and, but you know, I hear this from a lot of from a lot of people that have lost a sibling to addiction is they get to a place they give back.

I've heard this before. Not quite this story. 'cause I think this is ama I'm so inspired by you and by Jen because her giving back and Yeah, her knowing, and I do think it's so inspiring. It's why so many people [00:30:00] listen to this show, right? Like, we've been through it. We can tell you what our experiences.

And if I was struggling with addiction and I met somebody going into rehab that's like, Hey, been here, done that, got in a t-shirt a couple times, this is how you can make it through. Of course that was inspiring to them.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Yes. Yes. And she had so many, I mean, she really wanted to write a book and maybe even have a podcast one day. You know, she, and she wanted to stay. She, she was in the field because she loved helping people, people, but also because it helped her stay sober, because being, staying in that world, that was her world.

And she was an expert, you know, she was an expert addict. She was an expert in recovery, you know, she and she was just such a, an empath and a kind giving soul. I mean, she was, it was for her. And that is where she was the [00:31:00] last couple of years of her life. Now she says that she was sober for five years prior to passing away.

She was 47 when she passed. I'm her sister. I'm not buying that. I'm not exactly sure what I think. She was sober enough to work and from what I think must have been happening was she could stay sober all day long and then at nighttime alone and the own shadows of her apartment or whatever I think she was using.

And then the next day again, and there we go. So she felt that she was a controlled addict. She could control this. That's what was happening.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: That's a very interesting term that you just used. I love that controlled addict. Yeah. I mean, do you think maybe her being in that environment, she just felt like, okay, I got it together now I can just do this at, at night.[00:32:00] 

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: I think so. I think so. Another thing that happened because this all happened at the same time, so she lost custody of my niece when my niece was 10 years old. So my niece lived with her dad and stepmom, and we, she, my sister, had controlled a visitation. So that, that means that a mon, um, chaperone, uh, visitations every other weekend.

So my sister was not allowed to be with her daughter alone, ever. They couldn't even go like, have a mani-pedi together or anything. One of my parents had to be with them at all times. This made it very difficult as well. But when my niece turned 18 and went to college, then that was null and void. So my niece went to school on a Thursday to Texas a and m Free. My sister died Saturday 48 hours later.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Oh my gosh.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: So I don't [00:33:00] know if perhaps her daughter going and now having this whole new chapter of their lives coming up, she had one last hurrah maybe said, this is it because I'm going into this new world where I'm gonna be there for my daughter and I'm just gonna have this one last hurrah.

Maybe those are those things that we don't know what we do know. And you tell me when, whenever you're ready to go into what happened.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: We are. We are here. We are absolutely here. So this is 2021, right? And her daughter is going, your niece is going off to college. Is she still working at the rehab? At this? At this point? 

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Yes, she was working. She was working, yes.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: So here we are. And what happens? How does this all happen? Share with us Jessica. Yeah.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: you. So let's just back up one day. It was Wednesday and they came [00:34:00] over. So my parents, you know, remember at this point my niece has not left yet. So my sister's with her daughter and my parents, and they came over to say, so my niece could say goodbye 'cause she's leaving for college. And my sister and I were not on talking terms.

We had gotten in a little bit of a tiff the week before because I noticed, I, I set a boundary. I'm like, she's. She looked gray to me, gray, and I'm like, I, I can tell you're using. And she's like, no, I'm not. And so we were not talking, so she wasn't going to come into my house. And I'm so glad that my niece said, come in and give your sister a hug.

At least because she came in, we said goodbye. I gave my sister a hug. And as she was walking out, a couple of things, she said, I had a a 14 month old puppy that was put away in the next room, like fenced in a Rottweiler 14 month old puppy. And she looked at the puppy, she goes, I want a dog like that.

I was like, one of the last things she said to me. [00:35:00] And then as she's walking out the door, she turned to me and she goes, lunch next week, we need to talk. I said, absolutely. Lunch next week. That's the last time I saw her. So that was Wednesday, Thursday, my niece left Friday, Saturday, on Saturday. It was about three o'clock in the afternoon and my mom called and said, we haven't heard from your sister today.

We're going over to her apartment. So she lived in a high rise about five minutes from my parents' house. So that was about three. I remember that day. I, I went to lay down to take a nap 'cause I had a, I was going for a friend's birthday that night, at birthday dinner, and about five o'clock the phone rang and it was my dad and I kind of was waking up out of a nap.

And I said, daddy. And he goes, we're bang. We've been banging on your sister's door for almost two hours and she's not answering. And so I said, well, call me when she. Wakes up. I mean, 'cause this was not [00:36:00] going back. I mean, this had happened before because she'd been taking this GHB drug that makes you sleep and it doesn't wake you up.

So we had already been to the ER when she had gotten there and they couldn't wake her up. And we had already been through lots of things. So I was, this was just another one of those like, okay, just let me know when she's awake and whatever. And I heard my, I heard my mom in the background, go tell her to come now, Maya.

I couldn't get up out of bed fast enough to get dressed and my husband had just gotten home. I'm like, get in the car. We're going. And we drove to my sister's building. There were a couple of, uh, fire trucks outside and a, and an ambulance. And I was like, oh my God. Oh my, um. We got there. There wasn't even anywhere to park.

I just told the Valley PE people outside. I said, we're, uh, this is my sister. I'm leaving the car. They said, no problem. We went in, we went up the elevator. [00:37:00] The elevator doors opened. We went to the end of the hallway and right then the police came. They had broken the door and the police man came out and said, she's gone.

And my mom, my parents were standing there and my mom literally collapsed into my arms. And I've been holding her since. I have been that pillar of strength for my parents. I think that's why I haven't been able to cry yet, because I have been strong for them. And my dad said, well, we've been waiting for this because 20 years we had been going through this.

20 years. My parents had been waiting for that phone call, but we all really thought that, like, so we didn't know what happened. Right. We didn't know at that point they put yellow tape. They wouldn't let us the apart in the apartment. The, there was a [00:38:00] vacant apartment across the hall. They put us in their, my mother was literally on the floor crawling, crying, screaming.

My dad was really, didn't know what to do. We were call making phone calls telling people we had to call. You know, my niece is in a and MI had to call her dad to tell him. I mean, it was just like, you know, what do we do? Crazy craziness. I went to go open the door of the apartment and right then and there they were taking the body bag out.

And I saw that and that was like, oh my God, that, that is my sister being wheeled off in a body bag. Like, holy. Like you, it was so surreal. It was so horrible. 

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: And that was the first moment you had seen her because they didn't let you in the apartment.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: So we're talking, this was all, you know, I'm saying it quickly, but it was like th two hours.

So a policeman came over, a police woman with a plastic [00:39:00] bag, with glasses and a hair tie. And, um, that was her belongings. That was what was on her body. So they let her, they let us in at that point, and we went into the room, into her bedroom and next to her bed was a plate with a half a hot dog with some ketchup. And there was some throw up. And I said, oh my God, maybe she choked. At that point, we didn't know what had happened. Supposedly she was sober, so that's what we didn't know what would happen. So very quickly moving forward you know, they, the, they have her body. They did, they started to do an autopsy and they found a hot, a piece of a hot dog lodged in her throat.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Oh my

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: And so when they came back to say that, we're like, we knew it. We knew it, I knew it. Oh my God, my sister choked. [00:40:00] You know, all I could think about was she alone? Could she, what happened during that time that she was in her apartment? But then, toxicology report showed that she had something in her system.

And my father said, my father said, Jess, Jess, Jen, Jess. If she had been choking, she wouldn't have died. She died in her bed. So she wouldn't have died in her bed. She would've been at the front door or the kitchen, or, you know, try if she was choking. So now we know that she aspirated that hot dog and probably her heart stopped.

Um, we, because the, the police asked us, you know, because we asked if there were drugs or, you know, they couldn't tell us anything at that point. You know, we had said she liked the ambulance, she liked GHB. We, we didn't know. We didn't know what they had found. And what they had found was like a like a bong water pipe [00:41:00] thing.

So when we got the toxicology report it said that she had several types of fentanyl in her system. So I didn't know that there were different types of fentanyl.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: I'll be honest. I, I didn't realize that either.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: medical grade, uh, fentanyl that you get like from your doctor.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: sure.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: And then there was a, there's the street grade fentanyl.

So, so I very much throughout this whole time from this, the time when my sister was using you know, when we were teenagers, I'm like the detective, you know, I'm the one finding everything out. I'm very good at it. 

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: It's oldest child syndrome. We're the detective in the family.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: figure it out. And I did. So the first thing was in her apartment, I knew exactly where to go to, and I just picked up this Kleenex box and underneath and inside, and boom, I found foil.

And I opened it up and it was this black stuff. I'm like, I don't even know what this is. You know? And I had a, a [00:42:00] friend, we have a friend here in town that's like Constable and know, we called his office and somebody came to pick it up 'cause I didn't wanna touch it and I didn't know what it was. But I, I did that.

And then in her, in her car, I reached underneath the driver's seat and I found another thing of foil. So we didn't know what it was. We, I had know it was a black something. Now I know what it is. It's called black tar Heroin. And she combined with fentanyl. It's called white China or China? White.

White China. Okay. So this is what my sister was buying. Coincidentally, her drug dealer's girlfriend was a podiatrist. Podia, if you're a podiatrist, you can prescribe me medicine. Which is very interesting 'cause you do not go to medical school. You go to podiatry school. Very different. And when you go get a license to become a podiatrist, it's the same place where you get a license to [00:43:00] give a manicure, for example.

It's all

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: my God, I didn't know that.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: yes. So what had happened was, is her, her drug dealer for 14 years, his, he's getting the drugs like the, he's getting the chi white China, the black tar heroin with the fentanyl, the street grade fentanyl. And she is the podiatrist that is selling the medical grade fentanyl.

So Jen was buying it from both of them and not very smart to do so. These drug dealers, but they took Zelle. So going through my sister's Chase accounts, there was

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: out of here. I can't. Jessica, so you saw these transactions through Zelle?

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Yes,

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Oh my god,

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Elle and it, it said Austin Martin. Austin Martin. Austin Martin. And I'm like, did she buy a car? Does it supposed to say as [00:44:00] Martin? Honestly, because it's like 2015, 7 57 57, 50 2003.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: My God.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: About half a million dollars worth of transaction in transactions in 14 years to the same guy.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: I just got chills. Wow.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Okay, so here we find out exactly who he is, who his girlfriend is. Okay? Now going through all this paperwork that my sister had out this is really interesting. There were a couple, well, there were a couple of transactions where she posted bond. So the, so this couple got arrested for dealing drugs in July of all days.

My birthday, July the 12th, 2021. My sister bailed them out of jail.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Oh my God.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: She paid for so indirectly, look at this. What [00:45:00] led to her passing? I keep saying, you know, the what if, what if she wouldn't have bailed them out? What if they would've stayed in jail? What if they couldn't postpone bail? Would Jen still be alive? But she did that. I mean, her addiction was so strong at that point. She needed to get them out of jail so she could continue to buy. Now when I say thousands and thousands, they were exploiting her like, street grade fentanyl is a couple hundred dollars for a bag, a little gram or whatever. You know, she was paying thousands of thousands thousand. So another thing that I found next to her bedside was it looked like a credit card, but it was like a sorority card. Kappa or off of whatever it was, with her name, with the, with this woman's name on it with, and it had powder. So, so we knew that this girl had come over to [00:46:00] party with my sister as well the podiatrist.

So, you know, what do you do as a family? We were so scared. We were so upset because we know the dealers who sold her, the drugs that killed her, the, and then the text messages. So there's the text message exactly where she went, where she bought it, what? It's all there. It's, you know, the text messages,

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: There's such a paper trail with this. There's a monetary and paper trail. Yeah.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: all of it. So, the la one of the last texts said, Hey, this is bad stuff. I need to switch it out.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: So your sister texted them saying this.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: This is not good.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Wow.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: This is, this was the night she died. So, um, so I gathered all of this information, I'm thinking, wow, I have got something here. And I turned it into the Houston Police Department.

They already had a case open with this, these [00:47:00] two people, because they had been, you know, so they already had something going on.

You know, both of them had, had gotten arrested. They so they were already like in and out of court. So, so far today there is nothing with my sister, there's not, there isn't a case or anything because number one we were so afraid who are these people? Who's on who, you know, maybe there's somebody else.

We were afraid for our lives, for our wellbeing. I don't know if they work with Cartel. I don't know. We don't know. We don't know anything. So nothing has really been done until this day. We're beyond statute of limitations. We, you know, what, what are we supposed to do? Um, we have just let authorities do their own thing.

The only thing that I can tell you is this he. Did serve a year in jail, but he's out now. And she, because I also, I also reached out to the, um, you know, the department of [00:48:00] licensing to see if I could get her, her podiatry license revoked. Um, and they did an investigation, but then they called me back to say that they can't say why, but they're dropping the investigation. And the only thing that I can tell you right now is that she had been going to court and then they just dropped it. And it says something like that. The feds are taking over, but it has vanished Maya into thin air. We have no idea. So I don't know if they ratted out maybe their, the people that they, that were above them.

I don't know. But it's so it's very frustrating.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: messy world. It's such a messy world. Right? And when you're not involved in it, you don't know all the nuances and things that are going on to your point in the background.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: And then I do also know, because right now, you know, we kind of switched over with, um, the new da. But the old da had [00:49:00] basically said, well, you know, this isn't a case of somebody that, that bought something that was laced. She knew that she bought the fentanyl, she was an addict. But that's so unfair because there's so much more to my sister than her addiction.

She was a person like everybody else. She had a life, a beautiful life. And justice has not been served. And I don't know if, if there will be, I keep hearing in my mind, justice for Jen, justice for Jen. It's, and, and I'm numb.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Yeah. 

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Know, you know, like you say that you lost your brother to homicide.

Part of me feels that I did too.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: I, I, you actually just stole the thoughts completely out of my head because I, and there have been other amazing siblings that have lost their sibling to Fentanyl that have been on the show. And each one of you have a unique story, just like we all do. And I deeply connect with these [00:50:00] stories because I do feel like it's homicide.

I do, because I have yet to hear a story where there was justice brought. And as you guys know, my story, my, the man who killed my brother walked. There was nothing. There was no case. There was no nothing. And there's a lot of reasons why and talk about in season one, so, you know, but, um. It's very difficult and I connect, it's, I connect with all sibling loss.

I do, but there are certain types of loss that I connect so deeply with and addiction and, and is one because my brother struggled. It's not how I lost him. But with fentanyl, I really get it because I think what is so difficult for those of you who lost your siblings to fentanyl is that not everybody's looking at it like a homicide, but there's no like a homicide.

It is a homicide because these people know what this drug can do. And what I think is so interesting about your story, just like the [00:51:00] individual, I don't even like to acknowledge him, knew what a gun could do to my brother. This individual is a podiatrist, knows what fentanyl could do. Even the medical grade, right?

I mean, street, you know, you're, you're really playing round robin there. You don't know, right? What? Oh gosh. It's a whole other, but they know. They're very aware. So it is homicide because it can kill and the only people that should be administering any kind of drugs at that level are doctors

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Yes.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: and it is homicide.

And that's why you feel that way. And I'm sure that's why you do connect with homicide stories, because that's what it is.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Absolutely. Absolutely. And. Knowing what to do or how to do or, or trusting in the authorities. And what's happened now is that, you know, [00:52:00] it's just another case number. It's just, it's buried under, I don't know how many, tens of thousands of, of cases, of things, of people, of deaths. I mean, it's just another number.

So going back that's very frustrating is that I presented, so we never got her phone back. Okay. I

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Did it stay in evidence, Jessica? 'cause I went through that too. My, they still have my brothers.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: and my, I gave them her laptop. Her laptop has so much of her life on that,

They still have it. So what are they doing with it? We don't know. It's like really a, it's a dead end. We, we, we don't know what's happening.

We've been fighting to try to get the laptop back because we want pictures, because we want whatever it is of hers that's on there. We want it. What do they need all the pictures for? What do they need? All of her, you know, she had like letters and well, all, you know, you have your whole life on your computer, right?

So we right now are at a place where [00:53:00] still in disbelief that this even happened

And still wanting to do something about it. But what do you do? Like that's where you know, I know that you can understand what, what we're feeling because we don't know what we can do. What can we do now? What can we do?

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: That is where I found myself as well. I think. I mean, you're, you're coming up on four years, right? And that's exactly where I was and that's why I knew you would, this was kind of the perfect time when we chatted before coming on, because you're at a place where it's like, we've done everything that we can do legally.

You know, all of those things, right? All we can do is fight in other ways that, get the laptop back and you've done everything that you can, but it makes you feel so powerless because you have to trust other people. But I think that's why I'm just so glad you're here today, sharing. Your story, your parents' story, and of course Jen's [00:54:00] story with us, because Fentanyl unfortunately isn't going anywhere and addiction isn't going anywhere.

And I think it's really important that we do recognize that this is, this feels like a homicide because it is homicide. It is. It is killing someone. And I think something you mentioned earlier, you know the police not looking at it in the same way because she was an addict. I connect with this too because my brother, I felt was really swept under the rug because he wasn't perfect.

He had gone to jail in the past. He had struggled with addiction. I ain't never done any role. Serious crimes, but like he had a troubled youth, you know? I fully, fully believe that played into this. So it was fascinating how you said that earlier, and that's does that mean somebody who, got fentanyl a different way?

Like this is all the same thing. It doesn't matter, just because somebody struggled with something doesn't make this any less. And [00:55:00] it's, it's devastating when you go through that. And so I, my heart goes out to you and all of you guys that have been through this, and I know there's gonna be so many people that connect with this story Jessica, but I think you coming here and telling her story and telling your story and just being so honest and real about the highs and the lows of your relationship, it's, I think it's like really opening up kind of the door in your journey on this and 

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: and also, if I may say a couple of things I wanted to say for our family. You know, it took a while for my parents to, to say the word fentanyl because when we had, remember going back to when we lost my sister, and then we, and then we had, uh, the funeral and everything and, uh, we didn't know how she had died then.

So one of the speeches that my son got up to say was, she didn't, you know, her disease didn't kill her. So when we, when we later found out that it, that indirectly it [00:56:00] did, the shame and, and telling people that Fentanyl killed her when she actually had bought it. You know, it's, it's not, it shouldn't be any different, losing a life no matter what.

It's a life is a life. All of us are, are precious. And, um, but the shame and, and you know, in admitting, well she bought the fentanyl and, um, you know, she was an addict. So, 'cause a lot of people, like you said earlier, know, a lot of people see it differently for the person that took the fentanyl that didn't know that, that they had it in their system or the one that actually bought it and they both died the same way.

There's a huge problem, a huge issue. And now like our family. Purpose through pain is where we are, and we're trying to figure out where we are. I didn't just lose my sister Maya, that version of my parents died as well.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: of course.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: The [00:57:00] people now that are my parents no matter what happens now, and I'm sure that a lot of, of all of us, you know, surviving siblings can relate.

It doesn't even matter how good things are. A graduation, a party a month. Oh, if only she was here, but she's not here. But there, so anything in life now will always have that, that it's a hole that you can't fill ever. And it's, it's a space where, you know, yeah it's just, it's a place where we are that we, how can I say this?

I'm all, it's very difficult to talk about this one thing. Life is still, we're all still living. Life didn't stop. I remember my mom, my parents live in a high rise and she's looking at like the traffic on the freeway. She goes, how can people still be driving? Your sister died. Life stopped for us,

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Yes.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: but not life didn't stop.

And so the landscape is [00:58:00] different and everything is different and it doesn't even feel real 100% anymore. That's where I feel like where I am right now. Like I know we're living and I know everything, but where am I? 'cause this is not where I was before. It's hard to explain.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: But we get it because we're all living it. Whether you're listening to the show and you lost your sibling today, or if you lost your sibling 10 years ago, 20 years ago, we know exactly what you're talking about, Jessica, and I love that your mom said that because that was almost exactly the image I had. I was living in the city at the time.

I still live in the city, but like I was, I'm a little more like cradled away now in the city, but I was living like near traffic. Kind of like your mom, right? Like you could watch and I was like, if I saw people walking their dogs and driving and you know, the tr the five o'clock traffic or whatever, I was like, how dare they?

How dare they life. No, no, no, no. We're life's on pause right now. We're not doing life right now. So she so accurately [00:59:00] described that. I just so connect with that, and I know all of you guys connect with that too. Whether you're going through that now or you've went through that on your grief journey it takes time to start to feel like you're starting to move with life again.

And I'm a big fan of, of saying, um, I hate the quote, time heals all wounds because I don't think it does. But I think time does allow you to heal and like you'll eventually feel yourself like maybe moving alongside the people walking again on the street and like maybe you'll be a part of the, you know, the traffic again.

But there's a very long period of time, and that's very personal. How much that time is for you, where you're No you're paused. Like life is paused. It's frozen in, in what you're going through. So I love that your mom said that. I think that was really insightful.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Somebody told me because I keep saying I, I feel frozen. And, um, [01:00:00] who told me, I can't even remember, but it was so brilliant. She says, um, well, you know, when water freezes, it expands. So just remember that.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: How beautiful. Oh my God. Jessica, let me ask you this. I wanna ask you two things actually before we close, and then where people can find you. Jessica, you also have a jewelry line. I wanna talk about your jewelry line, um, really quickly. You're, you're in the process of actually relaunching and rebranding a little bit.

So more to come on that because we're gonna collab there in honor of your sister, but you also have this really cool jewelry line that you've done. Bull girl. Can you tell us a little bit about that and the inspiration behind that, and then kind of what you're thinking for the future. And then of course, we'll keep you guys updated as she, she does this evolution, but tell us a little bit about that and then we'll close and tell people where they can find you.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Our family at the time when I started was in the munitions business. So I literally took a I grabbed a, a bullet off of the table and I decided [01:01:00] to, to make a peace sign in diamonds and start wearing it as a pendant. And then I actually started writing like the words, love, faith, hope, peace.

On the bullet and wearing it. And somebody was like, oh yeah, you're that bullet girl. And I'm like, this is it. I wanted to do something with it. I wasn't sure what I was gonna do, but that's how bullet girl jewelry, uh, came to be. Um, I, they're reproduced bullets. I don't use the real bullets anymore because real bullets were not meant to be jewelry.

It was very difficult and time consuming to create pieces. So it took me about five years to reproduce the bullets. With the jewelry, quality metals and, um, my gosh, it just I started making pieces almost like on a daily basis. And, um, I think the line has like 83 pieces and I turned them into different collections.

So I had, if you know about bullets, like the 2 23 collection or the 3 57 Magnum [01:02:00] collection, the 45 auto collection, those are different calibers, different names, bullets. And so when I wanted to, I made the website and then started going on social media. Social media just kind of shut everything down because the names of the bullets, like, you can't do that.

So then I had to get very creative. And I named them after Bond girls, like Domino and Jinx and like the, these names. And so each line looks different, has a different name, but it's all about em, empowering empowerment. So not just empowering women because I have a, the Calibra line, Calibre is caliber in Spanish, so that's my men's line.

But, so, you know, different, different lines, different looking pieces. But, you know, I use the backs of the bullets so I can make like a heart or a four-leaf clover or, you know, I use the bullets with pearls or precious stones. Uh, semi-precious or even diamonds. So I came up with this whole line and I [01:03:00] actually have something here.

So we launched right before, um, COVID, which was like literally launched February. Of 2000. Mm-hmm. We went into COVID like March, middle March, so we're not talking about a lot of time here. Um, but so during the time of COVID that I couldn't really like sell, no one wanted to buy anything. It's definitely not bullet jewelry.

So I used my platform to help others, or I had like the bullet girl bulletin where I wanted to, had I had it, you would be on it, Maya, you know? So I would, you know, this month it would be you and I, you know, we would talk about you and then and I, I wanted to have people that inspired me on there and I wanted my sister to be on the bulletin and, um, she never got to do it.

But when I was, when we were going through her things I did find something that she had written me, if I may read it. Um, so this is what it said. It was, it was, [01:04:00] it said, well, I was clean, I was cleaning out her apartment, and I found a letter type to me. And it said bullet girl. I wanna let you know that I haven't forgotten about the questions for the blog.

I'm just really struggling to find anything empowering and strong. I know it's an internal strength that I hold somewhere inside, but it's hard to find when every person I care for or allow unto my heart has rejected me or lied to me or hurt me without a care or a thought after. I'm not trying to play a victim role.

I simply don't know what it is about me that isn't a tiny bit lovable or why I am just not enough for anyone. You are inspiring and I think you know that I've been a fan and I have believed, I have believed in most. Why is this different? Hold on a second, and I have believed in you since day one. When I found this, I crumbled. I, I was just like, oh my God.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: You've got me choking [01:05:00] up. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: But I decided that my next collection is gonna be called the beautiful Struggle. It's gonna be a but a butterfly. And the body of the butterfly looks like a bullet. If you look at a butterfly, the middle part looks like a bullet. I'm like, oh my God.

And it's gonna fall the beautiful struggle, and it's gonna be a butterfly, not because of the beauty of the butterfly, but of the struggle that it goes through to get there. And that's what I'm gonna work on next. And I'll get there. I will get there. It's just gonna take a little bit of.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Well, you're actively working on it right now, so next time we see you and chat with you, I'm sure we're gonna be talking about that. But I definitely wanted to talk about your jewelry line 'cause I love it. I'm so, I think it's so flip and cool. And I love how you have like the bond girl. Like we, we had talked about that when we first connected a little bit, but, and um, I love this evolution of it because you're right, like the body of a [01:06:00] butterfly looks, looks like that.

So more to come here and thank you for sharing that heartfelt letter from your sister. I think again, it's so amazing to feel like vulnerable and, and brave enough to share those things and, um. This is gonna be a beautiful thing that you do for her. So, one last question for you, and then we're gonna talk about where to find you.

What advice would you give, because, you know, I feel like you're, you are in a very unique spot in your grief journey being on the show. You're in a spot where it's like you're opening up now, kind of like a butterfly. This is really perfect. You're opening up, coming out of this, metamorphosis and you're sharing very openly about what you've been through.

What advice would you give to these incredible siblings that listen to the show, who've lost a sibling or a loved one to Fentanyl? Because like we mentioned earlier in the episode it is a homicide. It is definitely, um, a loss where we don't get all the answers and there's a lot of things that aren't tied up perfectly, [01:07:00] like a bow afterwards.

What advice would you give, or, or what would you have given yourself, you know, three, four years ago?

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Well, first of all, I think that, um, give yourself a little grace and don't feel rushed because we're in a completely different landscape now. We're living life in a different way. And, um, I. For me, life is so fragile and we know that now. And you have to keep living in love instead of fear. Because for me it's a fine line between love and fear.

Just stay, you know, in that feeling of love and of gratitude and be brave. Don't be afraid, find your strength, but be patient with yourself. Have courage. You've got this. It just has to be on your terms and that's what I would [01:08:00] say, I mean, it's hard when people say, oh, God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle.

It's very difficult to understand what that means. Have faith. Somebody I am, I'm quoting someone else. I, I went to a, it was actually a, a luncheon about recovery. But the guy said, be a hope dealer.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: I love that.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: Be a hope dealer.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: I love that.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: So even though you might feel hopeless, you have to have hope. That's one thing that we will never run out of.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: I love that.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: And give yourself time. Give yourself time.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Yeah, because it takes time, right? It takes time. I love that. Be a Hope dealer, because that's what our show is about, right? We go really deep and we go really dark, right? We talk about what's happened, but at the end of the episode, we want you to feel hope, so what a perfect way to end this episode.

I love Be a Hope dealer. I love that, Jessica. Okay, [01:09:00] Jessica, where can people connect with you to learn more about you? Your jewelry, your new collection? That will come out eventually. Where's the best way to connect with you?

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: bullet girl.com. I still have my website up. You can see some stuff there. You can't buy anything right now because like we're, this is another thing because of COVID and you know, my manufacturer shut down. My jeweler passed away. My sister passed away. I had to go pause, pause, pause, pause. So right now we're just kind of reinventing ourself, figuring out where to make our collections and we're just kind of on pause, but you can definitely, um, bullet girl.com or you know, my Instagram handle is at Bullet Girl jewelry

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: Perfect.

2025-04-11--t06-27-45pm--guest378973--jessica-meyer: and then my private is at Bullet Girl 11.

And you know it, please come and say hi.

recording-1_2025-04-11_14-27-45: perfect. We'll put that all in the show notes. That is perfect. Jessica, thank you so much for sharing your story and Jen's story with us today. It's been wonderful having you here. Thank you so [01:10:00] much.