Episodes

As a surviving sibling, there are defining moments in your journey. The first defining moment is the call, that call that changes your life forever, the call when we discovered what has happened, the call to provide information that you'd never want to receive. This week I’m sharing the first part of my journey, how that call changed my life and the first series of events that happened after that first call. In this episode, I’m covering: The first event [00:01:42] Getting to the hospital [00:09...

The journey of a surviving sibling is full of ups and downs. Usually, people come to us to ask about how parents are, people forget that we have also suffered a loss, we are usually the forgotten mourners. This week I’m sharing the first pieces of information that the detectives were able to gather and share with us, as well as how it was seeing my sisters, my mother, and my father while they arrived at the hospital. In this episode I’m covering: Meeting the first detective [00:01:04] Organizing...

Everything is so clear but yet blurry at the same time. When it's time to say our last goodbyes, we often find ourselves in disbelief. Disbelief that this is actually happening, disbelief that this is the last time that we will ever see our sibling again. This week I’m sharing how things were after my father arrived from Africa, more pieces of information we got from the detectives as well as my last goodbye to my brother. In this episode I’m covering: Supporting me and remembering my brother [0...

Death can be something that can unite or separate families. It’s not natural for parents to lose their children, but what happens to the other siblings that are still on this Earth? Surviving the death of a sibling is not easy, every step of the journey is painful. On top of that pain, the siblings have to deal with so many other situations. Reality begins to hit and everything starts to feel real. You feel lonely, even if you’re surrounded by a sea of people. In this week's episode, I am sharin...

Abandoned and alone, I had to wait for my family to call me back. When you’re grieving, you really need a support system, someone that’s going to be there for you and help you through the trauma. My family was not that for me. In this week's episode, I am sharing about how I was coping with not only grief but also abandonment, what happened before my brother’s celebration of life, and disappointing moments with my mother. In this episode I’m covering: Abandoned and alone [00:01:00] Memories of m...

The purpose of a Celebration of Life is to remember a loved one, to tell their story and to come together to celebrate their unique personality. My mother decided to celebrate my brother by scattering his ashes in a creek close to where we grew up. In this week's episode, I am sharing about the moments I shared with my mother before the Celebration of life, my thoughts and feelings during the event and what happened after, at my brother’s girlfriend's home. In this episode I’m covering: Conversa...

The pain of loss is overwhelming, it’s something that we learn to cope with as we are going through this journey of losing a loved one. Big feelings always come to the surface, which makes coping with the loss even more challenging. In this episode I’m covering: What happened after walking away [00:01:02] Words of Wisdom from my father [00:08:45] Sharing moments with Caleb and Phillip [00:16:45] Heading home [00:22:30] My friend Walter and going back to work [00:26:30] Handing my notice [00:33:0...

After coping through different mechanisms after the homicide of my brother, I am left thinking “what now?”. What happens now that all the chaos and the spiraling stops? What happens when everything has “calmed down?” In this episode, I’m talking about what happened with my boyfriend at the time during the holidays, how I was dealing with my anxiety and taking medication, the reunion of the reality show I was in, and feeling something for the first time as I was traveling in Mexico. In this episo...

We all process grief in different ways, we all do different things to feel “at peace” when losing a loved one. As a surviving sibling, I wanted to do everything in my power to bring justice to my brother’s death. I had been there from the very beginning and it seemed like I was the only one that cared about it. In this episode I’m talking about how miscommunication with my father led to me being frustrated with him, how I started to move on with my life and my career, the start of my entrepreneu...

During your grief journey your feelings and emotions ebb and flow. I dont believe there’s such thing as “highs” in the grief journey, more like lows and hope. Going into year 2 of losing my brother, I was losing hope because I felt that I had failed him in so many aspects. However, I have to remind myself that I haven’t, that this is part of the journey and that Andreas is always with me. In this episode I’m talking about the updates (or lack thereof) on my brother’s case from the “Dirty Detecti...

When you’re going through your grief journey, you’re always looking for “closure”, that something that is going to make it ok, that something that’s going to finally let you breathe and “get over” your loss. But as I have learned, there’s no such thing as closure, really the main goal is to get answers for everything that’s unresolved. In this episode I’m talking about how I felt like I was regressing in my grief journey as the pandemic hit, looking for closure or something to be able to “move o...

Going into year five of losing my brother to a homicide, thanks to Detective G I already had most of the answers I was looking for, but in the middle of a global pandemic, I felt like I was regressing in my grief journey. I went through a mixture of feelings, excited because of my entrepreneurial journey but sad at the same time. In this episode, I’m talking about the evolution of my grief journey, how my brother came to me in dreams several times to deliver messages, my spiritual journey, why I...