Stephanie Loses Quinton To A Car Accident

Stephanie Loses Quinton To A Car Accident- Podcast
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Surviving Siblings Podcast. I'm your host Maya Roffler. As a surviving sibling myself, I. I knew that I wanted to share my story, my brother's story. I lost my brother to a homicide in November, 2016, and after going through this experience, I knew that I wanted to share my story and his story, and now it's your turn to share your stories.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Today I have Stephanie with me. Stephanie, welcome to the show. Yeah. I'm happy to have you here too. And so today we're gonna be talking about the loss of your brother, Quinton. Which was many years ago. It's been since 2001, right, Stephanie? Right, right. August 1st. [00:01:00] So, you are quite you've been quite on a journey for this and over 20 years. So before we talk about what happened with Quinton, let's talk a little bit about your childhood and your dynamic, because I know that he was your only like full biological sibling. So tell us a little bit what that was like with you and Quinton growing up, your family dynamics.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: So growing up I'm the oldest I'm the oldest sibling and I'm the oldest cousin. So it was the bossy leader. Our home life was pretty standard. What I would consider there was mom and dad, me and my brother. Me and my brother fought after school, before mom and dad get home chasing each other around walking.

I had to lock myself in the bathroom sometimes to get the last hit. And just [00:02:00] normal stuff. We played outside. We in your younger years you don't really. I understand the appreciation that you will grow to understand with a sibling. And so he was my little brother and he was gross and he got on my nerves and I would say really about the time we both were in high school together.

So he was in ninth grade and I was a senior. Our relationship just really grew and it's because of me really, like my brother always wanted that relationship with me, but I didn't learn to appreciate that or see the value of that until we got a little bit older.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah. And some, something changes when you go to the same school too, right? It's a different, and like you, I'm relate to you so much 'cause I'm the oldest and so, I think it's interesting because then they're like the baby in the school and it's, yeah. It's a, an interesting dynamic. And so you guys were four [00:03:00] years apart, Stephanie.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: We're like two and a half years apart. But I'm a summer birthday, so I graduated when I was 17.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: me too.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: so yeah, so like, he was he was a freshman. I was a senior and we rode to school together. And we were both involved in our youth group together, so all of our friends hung out at our house.

My brother was not shy at all. He was very goofy and everybody knew him and everybody remembered him. And so my friends really liked him too. Like, he was just a really charming, funny. Precious person. He had many friends and they all just adored him in the same way. He was also very ambitious.

He worked at Chick-fil-A and he started as [00:04:00] just a night shift worker. And he ended up as like the night manager. He bought a brand new black TransAm T Tops leather interior. He was at work the day the car was ready. And instead of going when he got off, he let me go get it. So I was actually like the first person that gotta drive his car.

He was very ambitious. He had many goals. He had a drive that most people would never even begin to have for life. He had a huge heart. Yeah we were just, we grew extremely close through those years of high

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's super special. And yeah, and Chick-fil-A, like that was, I'm from Georgia and so a lot of my peers in high school like worked there and it was a good gig. And then by senior year they were doing like work study programs, so they got out early and Chick-fil-A, like paid for their college and stuff too.

It [00:05:00] was pretty cool.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: So much. It was a great place when they opened in our hometown, he and a couple of his best friends went to work there and everything my brother did he would just, like, even at his funeral, his best friend that spoke was like, I know Quinton's in heaven saying, gimme a month and I'll be running this place.

Because that was his theory with his jobs. Like, gimme a month, I'm gonna be. And so just highly ambitious, like, nothing stood in his way. He was not afraid of hard work and he was not a person who skirted around the truth. He was very open and honest with himself about what he wanted in life and what he needed to do to get there. And he was just, he was by far the most incredible person that has ever been in my life. So that's why even 2000, 20, [00:06:00] 25 this year will be 24 years.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: 24 years. Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: It's not, it just doesn't go away. Those things don't go away.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah. That's something that really stood out to me when I was reading through, your story and you know that it was, you were coming up on 24 years and yeah, just a lot to unpack with your story. So take us to August, 2001. How old are you? How old is he? I relate to that too by the way.

'cause I, as I mentioned, I graduated high school at 17 too. 'cause I'm a September birthday so it was like, I'm either gonna be old or young and my brother was actually old for his grade so I never got to go to high school with him 'cause we were three years apart. But he was a freshman when my sister's a year younger than me was a senior.

So that was interesting because they were only like, two and a half years or so apart, same thing. But they were in 'cause she was young like me and he was so, it is interesting I connected with you on that, but take us to 2001. What grade were you guys going into [00:07:00] ages? Tell us a little bit about that point in time.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: 2001 is the year my brother graduated. So, 2001 is the year I turned 21. And I had been, I had moved out like in March of that year. And I was in a relationship that my parents did not approve of. And so when I kept sneaking around and doing the things that my parents told me not to do, they made me leave. I moved out and I moved into the apartment with my boyfriend at the time. My parents had quit talking to me. They had pretty much cut me off. This, yeah, it, this was like in March. Pretty much the only people that were talking to me and my family at that time were My grandparents and my brother. [00:08:00] And so my brother helped me out a ton. Like, that same year my bank account had been like $450 overdrawn and he came and picked me up and he had a Purple Crown royal bag and it was full of all of his tip money because by this time he was working at Lone Star. There's like a horse racing track.

He was working there and at Bennigan's and he brought me the money and he said, go in there and pay this. And so I did. And when I came back out, I handed him the bag and he was like, keep it, keep it for good measure. So, my brother had a sit down with my boyfriend at the time and just pretty much said nobody in the family is cool with this, but.

I'm gonna give you a chance. Just don't break my sister's heart. Be good to my sister and I'll always be [00:09:00] here. And then in May of that year, me and my boyfriend got in a fight and he was kicking me out. And so he, my parents had my car. Like they, they weren't letting me have my car. So I didn't have any way to leave.

And so he is like, you have to call someone. So I called my parents. My parents called my brother and three of his friends came. And as his friends loaded all my stuff down the stairs. My brother had words with my boyfriend, and then I got in the car and I left. By the time that they had even arrived at the apartment we had already made up.

So it was like. Now we've got these people involved. But my brother wasn't hearing it, he was done. That was the last straw for him. So I got, they, all my stuff's loaded, and I get outta the car at the red light [00:10:00] and I start walking back to the apartment and my brother gets out and he's talking to me for a minute, and I'm telling him, like you told me to fight for the things that I believed in and not to let mom and dad try and control my life.

Like I'm gonna go back. And, he's like holding my shoulders and he is like angry but crying. And he's like, this is going to ruin your life. I don't want you to do this. He's begging and pleading with me. Please don't go back. And I'm like, I have to. And he's like, then you have to choose. He's like, I cannot be involved in this. Not because I don't love you, but because I love you too much. I've always been there for you. I've always wanted what's best for you. I'm seeing what this is doing to you. You're gonna have to choose. And so I said, take me back. And so they took me back to the apartment. [00:11:00] They load all my stuff. I tell my boyfriend I'm gonna go with him for tonight just so that we can make up, and so they load all my stuff and I run back downstairs and I get in the car and I go with my brother and his friends and we go over to one of his friend's house and they're swimming.

And my brother's in the pool playing and just everything is fine chatting about girls. And I'm just sitting on the porch waiting for him to get out. So he and I can talk and he just, wouldn't get out. He just, he was hurt. And so

I had his friend, one of his friends when he left, take me back, and that was the last time I ever saw my brother alive.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: That's why that's such a difficult memory because he was like, really? Like Stephanie, like this is serious. [00:12:00] Like, yeah, that's tough. That's really intense. And that was May, right

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah. So, so that was in May. Then I had gotten a job at the little grocery store down the street, and I walked because I had no car. And he graduated, this was like at the beginning of May. He was graduating at the end of May. My grandparents were going to come pick me up so I could go to the graduation.

But they wouldn't let me off work an hour early. And so I had to tell my grandparents, no, I can't. Like I worked in the cash office part of the office or of the store, and they didn't have anybody else there. And so I had to stay, so I didn't get, I, I missed that opportunity.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: So you had to miss his graduation.

Wow.

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2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah. And then around my birthday of that year, when I turned 21, so July 21st I met with my mom and we had went to see a movie and had lunch and she was just telling me, your brother's really hurt.

He's not ready to talk to you. So I'd mailed him a card and it was like a teddy bear with a button missing off his little blouse. And then you open it up [00:15:00] and it was like a, the button and a needle and it said, can we patch things up? And then it was just like a two page heart written, a heartfelt note that I wrote to him. And so I sent that off. That was by this time I was actually already pregnant in May with my oldest child. And nobody in my family knew. I don't think I even knew when all this happened. But I definitely knew by my birthday when my mother was asking me, what are you doing to keep from getting pregnant?

And I'm like, we don't.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: oh, man. Topic change. 

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: And so. I'd seen my mom for my birthday, July 21st. I've seen other siblings talk about just the knowing, like the weird feeling. So July 31st, we had gone to my boyfriend's parents' house to do some laundry. By this time, [00:16:00] like, I'm like two months, almost three months pregnant. And I was sitting there probably about six 30 that night. I just started crying and I was sitting on the couch and I'm like, what is going on? And I told my boyfriend's mom, I said, I'm, I just wanna cry. And she's like, well cry, honey. It's okay. You know you're pregnant. And oh, I just cried and cried. Like, this hurt. Like, I had no idea where it came from. It was just like pouring out of me. And then I got really tired, from crying. And we went home, we went back to our apartment and I talked on the phone to my grandma that night and I had this feeling like I just, it was like my body was numb. It was like I was tingly. It's like, I felt like maybe I was getting sick. I didn't know what that was, but it was just, I was very uncomfortable.

I couldn't get to sleep. And I talked to my grandma about, how is [00:17:00] my brother doing? And, she said he is doing good and he'll come around stuff. And we got off the phone probably 10 o'clock and I laid down and I couldn't sleep. I was just numb and tingly. It was just like this strange, uncomfortable.

Since that I'd never felt before. And about four o'clock that morning, somebody was knocking on our door and I didn't get up. I wouldn't get up. And finally my boyfriend got up and he opened the door and it was quiet for a minute. And then I heard my mom and I heard her say, I'm sorry to come over like this.

And he said, it's okay. And then it was just silence. It was [00:18:00] like, like the deafening silence where you're hearing like, this won. And so I'm getting out of bed, walking to see, knowing like something is not right. My mom would not be here. And I walk around the corner and I see my mother and one of my uncles and my grandfather all standing in the doorway.

And I'm like, it's the middle of the night. I'm like, what is it? Like, what's wrong? And that's the moment that just changed everything. She just said stuff. Your brother was in a car accident last night. And I just looked at her and she said he didn't make it. And I, it's one of those things unless you've lived it, that instant [00:19:00] sheer dagger through your heart your brain doesn't, your brain doesn't know how to process something like that in an instant.

And so there's a lot of denial. And I wasn't even crying. I was screaming. I was screaming, and I just fell to my knees. Like I, I couldn't stand and I'm just screaming. And, my mom's telling me, Steph, you know you're gonna wake up the neighbors, be quiet. Don't. And I just, I had no control over anything.

I, my boyfriend had to get me dressed. I went into this just shock this, like, you can't even like form thoughts in your head. You are just literally one minute before that your life was normal and there [00:20:00] was a chance that things would be okay soon. Next minute knowing it never would be. So, my grandfather, I rode home with my grandfather and my mom and my uncle and my boyfriend rode together. And I asked my papa, I said do you know where he is? He said, yeah. I said, can you take me there? He said, no, Steph, I can't. And I said, Papa if he can feel me, if he can see me, maybe he's just unconscious.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah. So like the denial is like kicking in for you? Totally. Yeah. And where was he, Stephanie?

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: he was, already, at the, I don't know where [00:21:00] they take you. He died at the scene of the accident.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Okay. So he never went into the hospital. It was a instantaneous type of,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: by the time the police and everybody got there, he was already gone. And so, 

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Did you find that out at that point when you were talking to your papa, your grandpa? Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: I knew that he was not at the hospital, but I just wanted him to all of my life really, up until that point I could find a way to get what I wanted. No, didn't really mean no to me.

There was no finality like this before and so to me it was like if I can see if I can touch him or talk to him, if he can feel me, if he can hear me, I've really believed that. And I begged him the whole way, and he cried right beside me. I can't imagine how painful that was for him.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: [00:22:00] Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: But, we get to the house and it's already packed with people.

There's people, cars are lined up the whole front of the house. His friends, my cousins neighbors, coworkers my friends and I went inside the house and I went to my parents' bedroom and I saw my dad sitting at the foot of the bed and he just had his hands rested on his knees like this.

And he was just in a stare, and I sat with him for a little bit and cried. I went in my room and cried. There were tons of people, you, the how time goes, there's no real way to keep track of, 'cause your head is in a daze. And, but I do know that probably the next day when I went in his room, [00:23:00] I started going through his stuff, like in his little entertainment center to see if he still had like our things.

'cause he hadn't spoke with me and I found that card that I had sent him. And he had never opened it,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Oh my gosh.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: so he kept it, but it was still sealed. So he never read it. 

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: He wasn't ready for some reason, it sounds like, is that what you felt when you found that?

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: oh, I

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: so many emotions, right? You just found out he died and now you're seeing the card and you're like, oh my God, I wish he would've read that. I'm sure all that's going through

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: All the thoughts. If I wouldn't have made the choice that I did, his friends would've been able to call me and say, step talk to your brother, or come over here and get him. Or maybe he wouldn't have even been there. Maybe he and I might've been at dinner that night and then he wouldn home early.

I was just heartbroken [00:24:00] when I knew. I never doubted that he stopped loving me. I didn't think for a minute that he was angry with me. But his love was so fierce and he was so protective and wanted so much of the best for me. He was just processing things and he wasn't letting go.

He was just maybe trying to let time take care of it and for me to come to the realization on my own. And I know that was hard for him, but nonetheless, he never read the letter so.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah. Yeah. And that it sounds like seeing the card in your letter, and I love the card by the way. I think it's really cute just to bring a little levity to the moment, but that's really cute. But that kind of, from what you're describing, inspired all of your what ifs, that kind [00:25:00] of, it seems like that started that ball rolling, that a lot of this experience, like, in your case, like, what if I had left that night?

What if I didn't stay with my boyfriend? What if, and did your brother know you were pregnant? I, that's what I thought. And I just wanted to clarify that for all of you listening. I didn't think he knew. So, like did your parents know yet? Or just your grandparents.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Nobody knew that I was pregnant until probably the end of September.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: So it was just your boyfriend's family that knew. Gotcha. Oh my gosh. Wow. That's intense too. So all of that's happening too. What if? Wow. Oh my gosh. So, I'm assuming he was either at a funeral home or morgue or something like that if he passed pretty quickly.

But what did you, how did you find out about the nature of his accident? Was that something that your family shared with you pretty quickly? Or like, was there an autopsy done and then you guys found out? Because I know there's [00:26:00] some aspects of that we're gonna talk about too, but how did, was that all uncovered?

If you don't mind sharing that.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: So the way that this happened is Quinton had been at a party. Quinton was at a party with a 30-year-old man working at a restaurant hanging out with 18-year-old kids. Okay. I won't say his name, but

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: You know who you are. Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: hear this. Yeah. Again I, my brother made his own choices, but my brother went to that party at this 30-year-old man's house as an 18-year-old, fresh outta high school over this summer, by the way from when he graduated and before this accident he had bought a camper. He was going to be living on his own so he could get more money for loans and grants because he was going to get a business degree because he was going to open a hotel in Las Vegas and it was gonna be called Hotel California. And I know [00:27:00] all of the layout of it, but it was top secret. So, very ambitious.

So he and my dad had been working on this camper for the whole summer, redoing it.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah, he's an 18-year-old with a banging car and a camper. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Very cool. 

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Getting his life. He had a plan for everything. He, so when he went to this party, everybody's drinking, and my brother told this guy when he brought the liquor out, I'm not drinking tonight. I'm really trying to cut back, like I'm not drinking. Just for reference, there's a line of alcoholism in my family.

My father was an alcoholic. My grandfather was an alcoholic, his father was an alcoholic. My uncles, alcohol has done nothing but destroyed my family.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: And so he made a stance that he wasn't going to drink, and he [00:28:00] was pushed and pushed and like, okay, I'll have a couple of shots. So the way that I found out the story that I'm telling you is because of the person that was in the car with my brother when it happened.

He

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: And he survived this.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: survived.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Wow. I just got chills, Stephanie. Wow.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: So he got drunk. It's a it's in our bloodline. Once you start, you're not gonna stop. And so his friend, being a good friend was like. Quin, let me drive you home. And by the way, by this time he didn't have this TransAm anymore. He had gone down, gotten a little more humble. He bought the camper.

He was driving like a Sentra,

But he said, okay. He told his friend, okay, you can drive me home. And he said, all right, let me go get my girlfriend so she can follow me to your house. And I'll get in the car with her. And by the time he got out to the car, my brother was sitting in the driver's seat and he's like, ma'am, [00:29:00] we talked about this, like I'm gonna drive you home.

And he said, no, it's my car, my rules, you don't have to get in. But I'm driving my car. And he said, well, then I'm at least gonna ride with you.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Oh.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: And so he got in the car with my brother and the girlfriend followed. And so, the way that the accident ended up is on my brother's side. Had it rolled one more time.

It might've been the passenger that, that didn't make it.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: So his friend, what did he tell you about? Like what happened? He just lost control at some point. Did like, was there something that triggered this? Because obviously he had been drinking, so, anything's game when that happens, unfortunately, as we know. But was there something specific that the friend could recount in this for you?

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah, he he had missed the exit ramp and so he was on a [00:30:00] windy side service road. And when he took, he was going entirely too fast and he didn't have a seatbelt on. And when he, it was windy. And so when he hit the first little wind going. Too fast. He overcorrected and then they spun and then they went into a ditch and did a few rolls.

And so the way that the car ended, the friend went unconscious, but he woke up on top of my brother, and my brother was deceased

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Wow.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: and the girlfriend behind had watched the whole thing.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Oh my God. Bless her heart. Oh my God.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Extremely traumatic for both of them.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: So there was really nobody else to blame. And honestly I'm thankful for that because, well, I blame the 30-year-old, I.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: well of [00:31:00] course, right? There's underage kids at your house drinking and I think a lot of us have been in those situations before and like I look back and I'm like, thank God. Like I'm okay. But it happens and it's important to bring awareness to it, and that's definitely. Not.

Okay. And I think I, I really love the way that you're telling your story and sharing with us, Stephanie. 'cause I think you're like, look, like my brother made a choice. Like, there were opportunities for him not to, but at the same point to me, 18 year olds, anything, I don't think we're really fully mature until we're well into our twenties.

Okay. Let's just be honest to boys. I think 30, they think 30, they finally get it right. Yeah. And even then I like, there's this I'm no therapist or psychologist, but I've had my therapist and psychologist friends tell me that women are considered completely, fully mature and really who they're gonna be at about 32, 33 years old.

I'm like, yep, that tracks, that's about, 'cause that's how old I was when I got married. That's how like, I'm like, yep, that [00:32:00] makes sense. Like I can connect with that men. It's 43 I think is what they told me. Full maturity. So I'm like. That totally makes sense to me. So, yeah, you're spot on. Especially guys, like an 18-year-old guy is like a 15-year-old girl.

Like, let's just get real, maybe 14, so,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: when you're drinking, like

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: right.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: inhibitions are out the window. I can't say that, that I haven't done the same thing even many years after my brother died, which is horrible. But when you're drinking, you are making a choice to, to throw any kind of smart decision making out the window.

For me anyway, I'm not a person, I'm not a responsible drinker. And maybe it's because of the trauma. I don't know. Drinking definitely did me no favors, and I don't miss that part of my life at all. Like I will never even, on my [00:33:00] worst day am I tempted to go to a gas station and pick up a box of wine or something.

Like I never wanna be that girl again, ever. 

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Well I wanna call this out, Stephanie, since we jumped ahead a little bit for a moment and then we'll go back. But Stephanie, congratulations. You are nine years sober.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah. Thank you.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Like that's really huge. 'cause you were talking about it. So I was like, let no, let's tell everybody like that's a huge achievement.

So let me ask you a couple questions about this and then we'll we'll go back into that part of the story. But do you feel like you had mentioned earlier in, in your story in the episode that. Alcoholism runs in your family, and there are certain people in my family too that it has impacted.

So I connect with that and my brother really struggled with it, and there's been times where I've struggled with it. So I I never have felt like I was an alcoholic, but I definitely feel like I've used alcohol to numb certain things. So I learned by, educating myself that there's different types of like, alcoholics or people and I'm in a very different place.

Like I can have a glass of wine and it's not a big [00:34:00] deal, but it used to be very different, like when I was grieving or when I was going through trauma earlier in my life. No, one glass of wine was not gonna happen. It was gonna be a bottle or five. Like, it was not like, not five glasses, five bottles, like it was a lot, which you can connect to.

And so I think it's really amazing. But I'm curious, what do you think inspired this? 'cause you lost your brother 24 years ago, give or take. It's about to be 24 years and you've been sober for nine. So were you numbing yourself with alcohol? And then you also have it in your family history.

And then to answer that, but then also as a follow-up, what finally inspired you nine years ago to go Enough is enough. 'cause I think that's really important to understand both sides of this and your journey. 'cause that's a huge accomplishment.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: So I would definitely say I can't say for sure that even if this had not happened, that I [00:35:00] might not have ever come to a juncture where I found myself in an unhealthy relationship with alcohol because I'm genetically predisposed to that.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Sure.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: I can definitely tell you that I was never in a healthy mindset to be drinking, especially to the extent that I was. And I wasted a lot of time trying to it's like for me, it's like you're searching for like, a moment of comfort, a moment of peace, a connection, something to bring a little bit of ease to the trauma that just doesn't go away like that.

Like you gotta put in the work to have some kind of long lasting resolution. 

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Well said Stephanie, so what a great message. I agree with you completely. Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: And I was going [00:36:00] through, so for me it was like I was pregnant. My brother died. Nobody knew I was pregnant then I have a baby. So my grief got pushed into a closet because my full-time around the clock job was taking care of this baby, which I have, and always will say God took my angel, but he gave me another one.

Because let me tell you that girl that, that, on Wizard of Oz when it's all black and white and then they opened the door to color. That is what my daughter did for our family.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: I knew that's where you were going when you started saying Wizard of Oz. And I'm like, she like, that was one of my favorite movies growing up. I was even Dorothy as like a little girl for like Halloween. So it's like, I feel like we're having a moment here. You're like making me emotional, Stephanie.

I totally get that. So when was your [00:37:00] daughter born?

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: My daughter was born in February of oh two, so she was

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: You were in the thick of it? Yeah. Oh yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Those months. I'll go back. We'll get into that. But for the alcohol thing I, I don't know why I did it for as long as I did. I think just the grief part was pushed aside and then I had another child, and then I was, dealing with my husband by now and his struggles with addiction. And my mental stability was not ever really prioritized. And that's what I did.

And all I did was just make it worse. Make it worse. Like I, I kept thinking at the bottom of every bottle I. There's gonna be some kind of peace or comfort, and it was never there. No matter how many bottles I turned up [00:38:00] on August 1st, 2015, I was sitting by myself in this very house getting tanked to remember my brother.

That's the day of his passing.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: And I was just sitting here by myself using my brother's death as an excuse to get drunk. And I don't know what it was just like something, the 32, 33 age for women. It was just like someone came and knocked me with a frying pan and it was like, this is not working.

Like.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Oh yeah, because that's how old you were. Oh my God. How wild. How wild is that I said that and now we're, this is weird. I love it. Wow. So someone just like knocked you felt like you got knocked up in the head going

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: was like an epiphany and I was like, I'm done. And my mother always said, you are such a damn hardheaded kid. And I never understood [00:39:00] why until you told me you quit drinking. And then I knew because I knew when you said it, you meant it. And I never looked back. I was done, I didn't go to meetings.

I, I wish I knew a secret recipe to tell people that are struggling. 'cause there is lots of hard work following that because you do start to feel things and you do have to start to look back and acknowledge and take accountability for the ignorance and the pain that you've caused to others is not always easy, but it's worth it for sure.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Well, clearly you're coming up on 10 years. It'll be 10 years in August, and what a beautiful thing as well that you're basically, your sobriety anniversary is your brother's anniversary, like that's so cool. I love that for you, that's, wow, what a big part of your grief journey. And I like the advice that you give to Stephanie.

'cause I think everybody thinks like giving up alcohol has to mean you have to work a program or you have to go to aa. And like, that works for some [00:40:00] people, but you don't have to do that, and there's been a lot more people coming out now saying, no, I just don't drink. I don't really work a program.

I don't do the, I think Drew Barrymore said something like that recently too. And so it's like you're reminding me of her a little bit right now. She just didn't feel like it was serving her anymore. And that's where you were too. And I think it's cool what your mom said because I'm very stubborn too.

I've always been that person. But when I decide I'm gonna do something, I'm not gonna say I'm gonna do something and not do it. So that's the, there's pros and cons to every personality characteristic that we have. And that's a huge pro for us. Stubborn folk. Like, because when we say we're gonna do something, come hell or high water, we're gonna make it happen.

Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Even if we have to eat crow afterwards, it's just how it is. Like I could be very wrong and I could know I'm wrong, but I'll have to work on that later,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: I love that. I just, I wanted to highlight that while we were on that topic, but, so Stephanie, take us back in. So you are pregnant, family doesn't find out till [00:41:00] September. So here you are, like mourning for, a month, two months, and then they find out you're pregnant.

And tell us what that experience was like. Like how were you started to touch on this a little bit, that it makes total sense, your priority was going to work, growing a baby, and having, at the time your boyfriend and where was your grief, like that's the tough part.

Kind of pushed to the side, which is very common for a lot of people. And we've had a lot of people reach out and ask about. Women who either conceived very shortly after or had a baby right after. So I think this is really important that you're sharing this because this is very common to lose a sibling and then, be having a child or have a child.

So this is great that you're talking about this, but what a difficult experience.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah. I, I remember after the funeral, after everything was done and I stayed at my parents' house for a [00:42:00] while. When this happened, my. My cousins were, I have four cousins that I grew up particularly close to. We are related on both sides of the family. There's no incest or anything. It's just like two sisters that married, two brothers, Becky and Darlene on Roseanne.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah. Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: David and Mark.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Good example. Yeah. Okay.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Okay. So, and so these four kids, they weren't my siblings, but we were, our moms were always together. We were always together. We did Christmas together. But during this time, their parents had actually taken them to Tennessee. They had left with the kids.

And so my cousins, when they got this phone call in Tennessee, they were 100% convinced. That Quinton made this up to get my aunt and uncle to have to bring those kids back to Texas.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Wow.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: They didn't believe it. They [00:43:00] thought this is what he's doing to get us back. 'cause none of us wanted him to leave.

Like the situation was not good for them to be taken. But it was true. And shortly after that, my, my parents were involved with taking care of those kids and but my cousin that is pretty much like my sister. I remember being at the house afterwards and just spending a lot of time just laying in the bed with her.

She ended up having my room and just a very comforting place for me to be with her in my room. She's like seven years younger than me, but she's the kid I carried around until her feet were dragging on the ground, like, and so it was very hard for me to leave my parents' house. And after about two weeks, my dad told me, Steph, like, you have to go.

The longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be. The world is not gonna stop. You [00:44:00] have to go. You have to learn. And the thought of leaving that house just terrified me, like

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Because you were in a grief bubble. So this has been described to me on with some other folks along their grief journey, and it totally makes sense to me because. When we're surrounded by our family and we feel safe. 'cause not all of us experience that, but if we do have a situation like yours, we're like, that's why.

Because we're in that grief bubble and it's safe. And it feels like we're all stopping with the world when that's happening. But if you know they were telling you like you need to go and you're like, I'm gonna pop this bubble, that's what's gonna happen. It's interesting. That's what you're describing, so well, yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: I did, I finally left and I we lived about 45 minutes from where my parents' house was. And even just on the way there, I lost it and I was like, I'm not ready. I can't do this. I want to, we'll go to the apartment. I'm taking a shower and I'm getting more clothes. I have to go back. Like I, [00:45:00] it was like I thought if I stayed in that house forever I, it was hard for me to comprehend how there were so many people driving down the street and the people on the radio talking is like, how are they just going on?

How is life going on? And I. Without my brother, I needed to stop for a little bit, and of course, you know that doesn't happen. But I went back and I stayed for probably another week. And I'll tell you, up until this point in my life I didn't know what anxiety was. I didn't know what insecurity was. I had never felt these feelings. And so it was like a pain and a hurt, but also this racing heart and this paranoid and this fear of everything. I [00:46:00] started making every situation into how the next person that I loved was going to die.

Die. And and I would write, and write to my brother. Some days I cried to him, some days I cussed him out.

I just have journals of stuff and. My boyfriend at the time, he obviously does not know how to deal with this, but he didn't think I should keep those. He didn't think that was healthy. And so when he found those, he would tear 'em out and throw 'em away. And so now the ones I have at the very top, it says, do not throw away, but like he would have people over at the apartment and I would lay in the bed and he, every time I would hear them laugh, it would make me cry. I didn't understand how somebody was on the other side of that wall laughing. And the pain was so tangible all over me, and I would just lay there alone. And there was nothing anybody could do about it.

Nothing. Like, I'd go to the grocery store and [00:47:00] like see kids running down the aisle and just have to leave my buggy in mid shop because I'm having an anxiety attack. And I don't understand, like that's Stephan Quint right there running around, driving my mama crazy at the grocery store

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yep. Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: and then it's like, nope, it's not, he's not here, he's dead and pull up at a red light next to someone and see this profile and it's just like, that's my brother.

No, it's not like, have a dream where he's there. No he's not. And I think I ran from that acceptance honestly, until well after I was sober. So it was many years. But the initial months of that, I was terrified. I was terrified that my daughter was going to come out and do nothing but cry her whole life.

Like have. Fibromyalgia and pain and body aches and like mental disorders, because all I did was cry. [00:48:00] I,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: 'cause you were grieving. Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: yeah. So, but she didn't come out that way at all.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: No, she was your color in Wizard of Oz. That's amazing. Yeah, I think that's, yeah, I think that's beautiful. And I really, what I love that you shared too, Stephanie, is that it took you many years to feel like you've grieved this and like you and into your sobriety. And what I really love about you sharing that is what I hear so much on good old TikTok, which is how we met, right.

And in our support group and events and stuff that we do is a lot of people will say, I don't think I've grieved fully yet, or I don't feel like I'm done grieving and it's been this amount of time. And I'm like, everyone's timeline. Their own, and it's your own journey. And so I think it's really great that you're sharing, and what I find with folks that come on where it's been a couple decades, right, is that, we're still here 24 [00:49:00] years later talking about Quinton.

We're still here. And so I think there's a message in this that like, one, your timeline is your timeline. Just like you said, like, look, I grieved for many years and this is, this was my process and I'm, we're still gonna grieve. But I think that's a message. And I think it's also just important for people to know that like, I.

Some people, it may take them a year. Some I haven't heard of that, I'll be honest. But I, some people, it's like a five years is a turning point. Eight years might be a turning point, a decade, 20 years. We have people from all different walks. And I think that's so important because I think we all just want this perfect prescription.

Like, okay, so after one year I'm gonna feel normal. Two years I'm gonna be happy again. And like that's just not how it works. That's just not how it works. And I think there's a lot of, you were talking about anxiety, which I connect with too. I think there's a lot of relief and stress and like, pressure we can take off of ourselves when we find out like, oh, it's okay that I still like, struggle with this many years later.

Oh, okay. [00:50:00] I, I don't talk about this on here with guests to scare people. It should actually relieve you to know it's normal. To still feel sad about this many years later 'cause it's significant.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah, I think that a big misconception with grief is really that if you love somebody unconditionally, you're always going to miss them. So being done grieving doesn't mean you're over it. Like if that's what your interpretation of grief is. not ever gonna get better for you. And I think that's where I stood, like hung up for so long, is there were many years in my life that every time I started to laugh, I would start to cry and I'm like, how selfish of you?

Like, how can you just be so happy and carefree and you don't even have your brother? Like he meant more to you than that. So I was skeptical to feel happiness. [00:51:00] I didn't think it was right. I didn't think it was fair. But a couple of things I'll say. Number one, I ended up reading that letter at his funeral.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: I love that.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: I opened it and all of his friends stood around me and I read the letter, and I'll tell you, it was almost it was almost like it was intended to be read at his funeral. The words and the things that I said, though, I meant them in not speaking to him for those months to read it at a funeral.

It was like, that's what those words were truly meant for. And I read the letter and I buried him. I buried the letter with him. And

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: that, Stephanie. I think that's beautiful

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: I don't know how I found the strength to do it, but I did. And I'm glad.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: you're so glad you did that. Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: And also one of my very dear [00:52:00] friends almost a year before my brother died, lost her brother, he drowned in a lake. I went to the funeral and I didn't necessarily know her brother too well, but I knew her. And so that's what I paid attention to in the funeral is just, I watched her the whole time and I just remember looking at her thinking, oh my gosh, like, how is she gonna do this? Like, I looked at the pain and the eyes just full of tears and the sorrow in her shoulders.

And I went home that day and I was just so messed up thinking about that. Like, how is she gonna live her life without her brother? And my brother was out with his friends and this is when I still lived at home. And I called him, I said, I need you to come home. And he said, for what? And I said, I need to see you.

And he's like, okay. And so he pulls up, I'm, we always had our talks out [00:53:00] on the porch swing on our front porch. I'm sitting there waiting for him and he pulls up blaring his limp biscuit music, big old straw cowboy hat on, and he gets out and he. Silly walks all the way over to me and he sits down and I just plunge into his arms and hug him.

And I'm crying and he's like, what is wrong, sister? What's wrong? And I, I'm just sobbing. And I'm like, her brother died and I don't know how she's gonna do it. And I don't know what I would ever do without you, and I couldn't imagine if this was you and I didn't have you anymore. And I'm just, woo on and on.

And then finally he's like, okay, and he lets me calm down. He's like, are you done? Like, are you good? And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, okay, Steph, I need you to listen to me. And I'm like, okay. He's like, listen to me. And he had crystal clear, beautiful blue eyes. They, my parents always said he was the milkman's son because they both have brown eyes, but he was just an angel. And he's looking at [00:54:00] me the sun is just glistening in those eyes and he makes sure I'm in a deep focus and stare. And he said, I. I'm always going to be okay, as long as you're okay. It doesn't matter where I'm at. It doesn't matter where you are at. It doesn't matter if you can see me or if you can't.

If my sister is okay, then I'm always gonna be okay. If my sister is happy, then I'm gonna be happy, and I need you to remember that. And I'm like, but I don't want you to die. And he's like, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying this is very important that I tell you this, and so it was just like, it's like a little premonition or something, like he made sure to,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: That's wild.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: And you're never gonna forget that moment. And I don't know if you've heard this part of my story, Stephanie, so let me share this with you. And for those of you that haven't listened to the first season there a good friend of mine, he's actually been on the show the second season.

He lost his brother back in [00:55:00] 2009. This is when swine flew was happening. We all remember that. That was like the scare at the time. It never blew up like Covid, but it was still pretty scary. It's like when bird flu happened, things like this one was pretty scary. And so his brother had a compromised immune system.

Long story short, he died very young age, just shy of 27. My brother was 27 when he died. Okay? So my brother goes to the funeral with me, he's like, I'm going with you because I'll never forget this. I was very close with both of these guys. And, my brother goes there with me, goes to the, the wake and then we're in the funeral the next day.

And I remember, I'm super short. I'm like five three and my brother was like six one. So I'm like, on my, even in my heels, I'm like on my tippy toes. I'm like, I'm crying. And he's like, what's wrong? And I like turned to him and I'm like, I don't think I could ever survive if this ever happened to you.

And like we're having this little, conversation. And he like, I'll never forget him leaning down to me 'cause he's so tall. He goes, don't worry Maya. He's like, don't worry about that. He's like, I'm always gonna be here for you. I'm always gonna, [00:56:00] this will never happen. Seven years later it happened and it was like, I will never forget that moment.

Just like you'll never forget being on the porch with your brother. It was eerie. It was eerie. It was almost like foreshadowing. He died at almost the same age as his brother. So Bizaro Stephanie. So I just had to share that with you 'cause I really Oh, I get chills when I think about it. I'm sure you do too with that.

Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: just like those premonition moments,

And I.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: And you had it the night before too, which is, it's wild.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah, that feeling was just weird. And so now, I have two children and anytime I start to think I'm feeling that I go all over the place. I'm like, where are you at? What are you doing? Is anybody drinking? Are you drinking? Are you I'm just, I have really struggled with waiting for the next tragedy to happen because, my brother died in oh one.

My dad's the oldest of five boys. Next inline [00:57:00] brother was murdered in Dallas in oh six, and then the the third one died of a heroin overdose in oh eight. And so there's just been like a series of just tragedy and. I lived in fear. I still do if I let my thoughts get the best of me. But, I'm learning that there are certain things, no matter how bad that I want, I cannot control.

And so the best thing for me to do is to make sure everybody knows at the end of the day, like, I love you. I'm here. I believe in you. My son was actually born on my brother's birthday.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Get out of town. Oh my God, that is really cool. I don't know if you know this, but my brother and I had the same birthday three

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Oh.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: apart. So like I definitely have a lot of like synergy here. So something. So before I talk about this, I wanna say something about what you said earlier. I think it's really [00:58:00] amazing what you just shared about control because it seems to be a theme this season seven.

'cause a lot of us are talking about how we've had fear about losing additional people and like, and God, your dad can definitely connect with you. Oh my gosh, losing two brothers, but in such tragic ways. But I think it sounds like you're in such a healthy place with that, Stephanie, because you know the things you can control.

Like you can control what you say to people and how you leave them after, and I think that's really healthy and I think. Getting to that place in the journey because I felt the same way. I thought my dogs were gonna die. I thought all my family was gonna die. It's like we catastrophize things, which we've talked about on this season, which is, it's always interesting.

Every season has a theme and I feel like this is one of the themes that keeps coming up. And it's a good one 'cause it's something I get questions about a lot. Like, is it normal to feel like everybody's gonna die? Yes, folks, it's normal. It's normal. And what you said, the advice you gave Stephanie is and what you've done, I think is great.

Control what you can control and you have to let, you can't let your mind run too far with [00:59:00] it, and I think again, I'm sure your sobriety has helped with that too, because you can bring yourself back to center. You're not allowing yourself to go too far down a rabbit hole. I think that's super.

Super healthy. But I do wanna share this as well. I don't I, some of you guys listening, we have listeners that are on all different spectrums of this spiritual realm. Some people are agnostic or atheist and all the way up to very religious. And so I'm just totally open. But I have found myself to be more spiritual after losing my brother and I had somebody reach out to me.

This was recent actually, which is wild 'cause it's been like eight years for me. But I had somebody reach out to me, a couple different people when I posted about something about my brother and I having the same birthday, which a lot of people know, new people see new things. And I had someone who was like, really woo and spiritual, they said, and I looked it up.

And this is supposed to be believed, but if you have somebody in your family that shares the same birthday as you, apparently you've had many lifetimes in the past together, or you have like this spiritual connection. So your [01:00:00] son,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: And lemme tell you why. There is me and my parents mix the names Merrick and Quint, without even knowing it. Sometimes my dad is talking to me about Merrick and he says, Quint, or when my son's playing soccer, we're yelling, go quit. Constantly. It's like a we have no control over it and we don't even realize it.

It happens. I have to catch myself sometimes. Who am I talking? Who am I saying? And there's really no other reason for that. They never lived in life together, like in this life together, but it is definitely some kind of intertwined with those names and that birthday it's I definitely believe there's some connection and.

I've had probably two weeks after my brother passed where he came and spoke to me in a dream. I've had three dreams of my brother. I've had lots of [01:01:00] dreams about my brother, but I've had three dreams with my brother. And I know that first one I woke up as soon as I, as soon as I finished, I wrote it all down because I didn't wanna forget it.

But basically it was just him telling me that, he's not upset with me and that he never knew that this would happen and that he is always with me. And it was at our house we grew up in, my dad does flooring, so we had huge carpet rules in the garage we'd always play on, and that's where we were when we talked, we sat outside on those carpet rules and talked. And, another dream, I was just walking down like a dark road by myself and I heard somebody running behind me. And then when they got up to me. They just embraced, walked, and I looked over and I was like, Quinn, whatcha doing? And he just smiled and he never said a word, but he just walked in stride with me.

It's just like him saying like, I'm here, like I'm here with you. And I think like, is it normal to still [01:02:00] feel grief? I remember asking people and people asking me, does it get easier? That's just perspective of what does that mean? Does he come back? No. Do you forget about him? No. Does your heart love them less?

No. But you have to find ways in life to. I guess put, still bring them into your life. And that's why I love when I, whenever you got back in touch with me, it has been all these years and I've never had a place to just sit and talk about my brother. And you know what, like, I would talk about him all day.

I'm sure people in my life probably get tired of me talking about him, but there's so much to say about, that, that kid was my security, my, my comfort, my confidence, my, my everything. And that doesn't go away. [01:03:00] But I also know what my brother expected outta me for life. And I have to, number one, I have to make sure my parents are okay.

I wanna be something that they are proud of and that they are secure in my lifestyle. And to just bring nothing but elevation to their life because that's what they deserve. Having children my daughter's 23 and my son is 20. Having kids that age and seeing like they lost a kid, like

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Gives you a whole new perspective, right? Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: their perspective of their strength really, of their strength and their selflessness for what they have put aside for through my addiction, through my drinking, to still be there for me and my children, 

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: I think like that's beautiful too because not everybody has that experience with their parents, right? And so what a [01:04:00] beautiful testament to your brother that you guys were able to grieve together like that. I think that's really amazing and I love that you brought up. The easier comment, when does it get easier?

When, like, I get asked that question all the time, when does it get easier? And trust me, I get it. But the reality is, or I hear this a lot too, Stephanie, it never gets easier. I'm like, look guys, I can't prescribe a prescription to you. Not even a therapist can do that and say, like we talked about earlier, like in two years you're gonna feel great.

Like it's gonna be perfect. No. And also it frustrates me for people when I hear them say, it never gets easier. It's not that the pain goes away, guys. Right? Like you heard it here from Stephanie and I, it's not that the pain goes away, it's not that, one day a shift happens and you're like, life's easy.

Look, life is hard anyway, okay? Life is not easy anyway. So, but the reality is we can grow, we can evolve, we can move forward by honoring our siblings in these really beautiful [01:05:00] ways. And, I don't always like to say like, and you get stronger, like just get stronger. But you do. You get stronger and you Yeah.

Yeah. It's

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: your choice. It's,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: It is your choice. Absolutely. And I, and I think the reason the stronger comment can upset people sometimes is because they're like, well, Sue, I'm just supposed to get strong. No, it's a natural thing that happens, but it's also okay to be weak. Sometimes it's okay to cry on their anniversary or their birthday.

That's what we're saying. It's okay to have that balanced response as time moves forward. And it will be a, it will be a part of your journey,

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah. I think when you love somebody to the depths of the way we love our siblings, when you've grown up, you know that song by the Nixons sister, I see you. That is when I read, when I sing those lyrics, I do cry because [01:06:00] half of me breathes in you. Like we are cut from the same cloth.

Like we, we fought, we kicked each other's asses, and we

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: slept together when we were scared. And we took all the secrets from mom and dad and we, there's not really much of a connection that's more beautiful than siblings. I love to watch it in my children. And I remind them anytime it crosses my mind of what a blessing it is that you have one another.

And I hope that this is always who you know is your ride or die, because nothing will take that away. And I'm very beyond blessed that I have ultimately a sister who has taken care of me in the moments that I'm telling you flowers on the hard days. Sitting on the couch with me when I say I don't wanna be with anybody.

Like, we don't have to talk. I just [01:07:00] don't want you to be alone. The loyalty that she has, I she's taken very good care of me and I'm truly blessed. 

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: I think we get those gifts in grief. Right. And I feel like she's your gift, your cousin came in as a sister to you and I think that's a really cool. I. Gift, Stephanie. Where are you comfortable people reaching out to you? Because I think there's so many aspects of your story where people are gonna connect with this.

So many aspects, right? Losing an only sibling, losing a brother, unfortunately to a really tragic car accident. So many aspects of your story. Where are you comfortable on social media? Email, tell us. So we'll put it in the show notes for you.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Yeah I'm comfortable through the, through Instagram. The information or email would be good

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: what is your Instagram handle? And we'll put your email and Instagram in the show notes.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: you want me to put it in the chat or just tell me.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: It's a podcast, so tell us. Yeah. Yeah.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Okay. So it's [01:08:00] just all spelled out together. Stephanie, Michelle Murphy.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Okay. Perfect. Alright, so we'll put that in the show notes too so you guys can connect with Stephanie. Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing. Any last thoughts or wisdom you wanna share with us. This was an incredible episode.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: Just thank you for what you're doing and for letting people have a platform to talk about some of the most important people in their lives. And, I. I think it is a great like factor, a great step in healing is to just have a platform to sit and let it be about them for a minute.

And I mean though this is about me and my healing journey, my brother is, and always will be a very big part of my life spiritually, mentally, that is unconditional love and that doesn't go away. And that bond is one that though physical binds may keep us apart, the my brother is still a very important person in [01:09:00] my life.

And it's taken me many years to, and I'm still working on it. I'm still, I have hard days. But there is growth at the end of those days and I think that's what's important is to keep growing and to keep moving forward, to be a person that makes your siblings happy. They don't want you to be sad.

They don't want you to be stuck. And especially because of them. Like my brother would never want me to say, oh, I'm sad, or I'm drinking because of you. Like, flip that around and think if you had that conversation face to face with them, they would never want that.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: I agree. I think it's easy to say, like, or easy even for us to be like, yeah, they don't want that for us. But what you just said I think is great when you actually think about it and actually like even talk it out. I think I, yeah. Because at the end of the day, they don't.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--guest726779--stephanie: My brother would never approve of that.

2025-03-07--t07-27-56pm--62d44f94d16e77b66619324b--mayapinion: Absolutely. Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing,

Your [01:10:00] story and Quinton's story. It's been wonderful having you here. Thank you. .

Thank you so much for listening to the Surviving Siblings Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode as much as I did creating it for you, then share it on your chosen social media platform. And don't forget to tag us at Surviving Siblings Podcast so that more surviving siblings can find us. Remember to rate, review and subscribe to the podcast.

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